I've been looking to get a Zickos set before I retire from the music biz. I've seen a couple. One from Rockford's guitar center, I almost got into the car and made that 4 and half hour trip but the tom tom looked a bit beat up. If I'm going to sink 1100 dollars into a set it has to be in better shape. A Ludwig Vistalite is closer to look at at Uncle Ike's in Dubuque, but that too is 1400 dollars and just the shell pack. I could talk into trading the Paiste Rudes for a markdown in price but even with credit it stays over a thousand I'll pass. Besides, the car's muffler has a hole in it and that needs to be replaced.
June was a contrast of highs and very lows, I'm still very angry and ready to buy a gun to shoot every Redwing Blackbird in sight, but with the corn growing in the fields perhaps it might be safe to go hit the trails or go to Dubuque again. I haven't ventured out much this month and being more reclusive since I'm basically tired of dealing with Mother Nature and the 9 out of 10 red lights that come my way. In typical June fashion, it's been another wet one and like last year another cool summer. I can't enjoy life like I once did. The new album needs to be done but I had no enthusiasm to come up with any new songs despite We All Sleep Alone making the top spot on Lucky Star Radio. And the usual speculation, talk about doing something with Russ this summer, or jamming with a friend of his. I have things to do or got things planned but I just haven't have the drive to do anything.
While I yet to read Steven Tyler's bio, I have been reading Joe Perry's book and Joe has a way to keep me reading his book. I think I read a 100 pages the other night. But basically it's no different than any other band, outside of the fact that Aerosmith got rich and famous. There's always some girlfriend trying to break the band up, and Joe's first wife was that thorn in the side. I always been partial to Joe Perry's albums, Let The Music Do The Talking is still damn good, the others uneven but had their moments. Joe's 2005 album was pretty good. Wish I could say the same for the Aerosmith albums of when they got back together, Done With Mirrors is fine garage rock, Honkin For Bobo their last listenable album. But Get A Grip through their last album I didn't care much for. They promoted Music From Another Dimension but once again the ballads and lazy song doctors kinda left it dead in the water. I will try to listen to Steven Tyler's solo album but that might take some effort and a straight face to do.
So basically the Supreme Court announced that Gay and Lesbian people can get married and I have seen it all through the news and social media. Basically it doesn't matter what I think, the world still is the same as it was yesterday. I do have the straight and narrow minded folk screaming bloody damnation, fire and brimstone but I have been hearing this shit ever since birth and so far I have yet to see fire coming from the skies and earthquakes swallowing the heathens. Politics and religions have been tearing up the world. Funny how you come into this world, there's none of that bullshit bestowed upon you till you come across these fools in the journey of life and change your opinion of things. I think anger and happiness can change a person for the worse or better. Or love, which has been a 40 year journey into the toilet. I think failures play a big role, after a while it seems losing is the way of life and we don't try anymore. Or going outside for a walk and have a fucking redwing pick you out of a crowd and try to claw his initials in the back of your head. You get tired of it all and you just opt out and recede from life itself. Life happens and changes you to the point that what is the point of life is all there is, is the usual traffic jams, red lights and not be able to do the things you once did because your body is aging and can't do things you once did before.
And the choices that I made that turned out to be the worst choices, picking out the wrong girl 40 years ago and since then being hurt time and time again. And writing songs about that experience, a lot of the songs that I do write express the euphoric and utopian highs when things go right and having the depression lows of the opposite and writing them into a song. Case in point: The Road You're On, which is a love song, but when I played it for Olivia when she came to see me in 1999, she didn't care much for the song and left the room to talk to my brother about something. I did a acoustic version of that last year which showed more of the disappointment than the the actuality and positive vibe of the 1991 version. It really doesn't matter what Jeanette or Janice or the rest thought about me back then and there, they're all good people but with me choosing them to be a significant other, altered my perception and the reality of them today is that they were the worst girlfriends I ever had. Or based upon that in my mind. It didn't help that Christine or Isabella were much better. It's written in the songs about Isabella or Still Strangers which was about Christine
On the same level, there's And You And I or Undying Love or even Be With Me as positive and wishful thinking love songs that believe things will work out best in the long run. It may come to some that these were throwaways but that's not the case. Being in love with somebody can bring out the romantic in me. Secret Admirer also is a positive love song When you get your heart ripped out, sometimes a even better revenge song is written, All Over Now is the best example. And from what I heard, that song was played at their reception.
I think some songs outlive their usefulness, the hope of Running In The Rain has been changed to a more morbid ending the second time around (that's yet to be recorded), which high school crushes can't stand hearing my name when its brought up at reunions. I Rather Not Cry, written at the time of seeing my GF leaving the state one last time, ready to jump into the arms into another guy closer to home and either reaping or regretting the rewards. I'm losing you and you're not even out the door, is knowing the end of love is coming and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. And after that you just give up, knowing that you're too old for anybody under 40 and those who are still around are grandma's or having teenage kids and don't want another one at hand.
There was a time and place for somebody at some point and it had to be done at that time. If you blew a chance, just like I did with the Girl in my Public Relations class and seeing her at Kitty's and then watching her crying and walk away that I didn't go say hi. And hoping I could catch her at Kirkwood on Monday and try to explain myself, well needless to say I never saw her again. When the moment is gone, it's gone forever, but a song lasts forever... Or as long as you want it to last.
So basically I don't fall in love anymore, it just don't exist as it once did in my mind.
