Thoughts From The Townedger-August

Away we go.

 

I don't have much hope for this country, especially where things are going and where we're heading at. Thank our lucky stars we don't live in Louisiana or Florida.  The Koch Brothers are evil and throwing this world into chaos.  Makes you want to pray for that meteor to this planet and start all over again.

The last Townedgers album will be called Fitting Finales.  If and when that gets done will be the final chapter to The Townedgers.  There'll might be one or two more before that but only God knows. And me.

So you want to be a rock and roll star?  Good luck with that: http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/permalink/2014/09/02/music-industry-99-problems?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=facebook&doing_wp_cron=1409676814.1383891105651855468750

The more pressing issue is a Tyrus Reunion which already happened in January in Facebook.  I actually established some communications with Shawn Ster on Facebook and of course that leads to speculation from my BFF Russ about a possible reunion.  We talk, I suggest doing attending some jam sessions and nothing gets done about that.  Or playing for fun till suggestions about Rush songs come up and I throw my hands up in the air.  Same as it ever was.  A couple of things:  Shawn has his own solo acoustic show that he plays from time to time, if we can make it to a popcorn or bacon jam we can try a couple of the bar classics and see what transpires.  I wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms during the last session but then again I stayed in the shadows.  If I make more of an effort next time then I can show what I can do.   Second: I hate the name Tyrus, it was a dumb name to begin with, but it was the only one we could agreed upon.  The majority of guys are still living in town believe it or not but the more important member is now a pilot making better money than being in a slightly above average bar band.   I am all in favor of getting together and having fun, but if our bass player is out hitting the golf course or hanging at the the Mexican restaurant drinking margaritas and suggestion hard to play Rush or Dream Theater numbers, that's not going to go over very well.   People don't want to hear that, they want the familiar and the overplayed.  And I'm still chomping at the bit to show the jammers how to do Keep Your Hands To Yourself, the way it's meant to be played.





Nevertheless, Forthcoming Trains has done as well as 30 did. Which tends me to wonder if even writing new songs or new albums is even worth it for the world to hear if nobody gives a shit anymore.  I love the album myself, if I didn't think so, it would have never been issued to the world.  We lost valuable playing time when Diggy Kat left Radio Buzz'd for his new station Lucky Star Radio and what promo we have set up to do has been lost,  the June Floods didn't help at all.  So our A and R director has been sidetracked with other important things and I was left trying to clean up the basement again.  Once we waterproof the basement next month, that will be a big thing to never worry about.  I did issued two singles off the album, Wolfie and Just Enough Love but since net radio hasn't played either one, there won't be a third single released.  The way it goes in life.

Like last year The TE 3 decades tour has been postponed due to rain and more rain.  Nevermind the fact that it didn't rain most of July and August when we get a definite date of playing, the rains start up again.  A New Bo outdoors show has been postponed on Labor Day weekend.  With no make up date either.  To which we say the hell with it.   It ain't going to work now, it won't work later.

The Robin Williams suicide has been on my mind most of the time.  And depression is always a ticking time bomb when you have it.  Getting Parkinson's as well doesn't help either.  I heard arguments about Williams being selfish when he did himself in, but it also brings memories of a musician I knew that had both depression and Parkinson's beginning and he didn't want to burden his family with his illness so he excused himself in the same way.  Or Bob Welch of Fleetwood Mac fame, getting an illness that would be a life changer for himself.  It's sad.

My take on this:  I have lived with Depression for most of my life now and kept it hid quite well.  Somewhere during high school it begin, the feelings of being an outcast, never fitting in with any crowd.  I tried out for sports and quit three times, once in football, twice in basketball.  Somewhere in my gene pool, there wasn't enough x or y chromosomes to make me stand out in either.  I tried baseball, and never got a fucking base hit whatsoever, either a strike out or a walk and of course during that summer of 75 I lost both grandparents and gave my heart to some Jackson town girl. that I would only see one more time in this life before she told me to bugger off and get knocked up at age 15.  And then getting into fights with upperclass idiots every day and being led all wrong by the Freshman girls didn't help at all.

The only thing I was ever good at was record collecting or playing drums. Oh I did my best doing those old echophonic recordings of cardboard boxes and coffee cans and out of tune guitars, but what voice I had in choir was long gone replaced by a goofy tenor sounding something like Jerry Lewis.  I think the lyrics of Home speak volumes of what I think about this life.  For 30 years, I have continued to try to get better at my craft of singing songwriting and playing drums and trying to come up with music that I can listen to.  I did my best work the past 20 years but you'll never hear it on the radio anymore.  But I do thank Diggy Kat for a giving me an hour's worth of hearing The Townedgers on his show and for that rare time I was happy.

Depression makes me an perfectionist in a imperfect world and imperfect body.  The slight aggravation will anger me to a point of F bombs.  It's like that at work, or when I turn on the TV and hit all the commercials just right, or when we get hit with floods. Or having a rock from a fucking quarry truck come flying out and crack the new windshield of my new car.  Every set back is taken personally and it has gotten much worse over the years.  Whereas I should be enjoying myself and life more, I'm flying off the handle more than ever. When you have depression, you make a lousy boyfriend and I think that goes all the way back to 1975 and Jeanette and then Janice a year later.  And since then, never getting on the same page with anybody that I end up with.  I have had good women, the last one was perhaps the best one I have ever been with.  But there's this loner in me that needs to ride away and be by myself at some time. Like I said I had some great GFs, I was just a bad boyfriend. 

When you down upon yourself all the time, you're not a lot of fun to be with.  I know that. I look at pictures of myself and don't like what I see, a goofy smile, the big mile high nose that I absolutely hate. When you have depression you take into stock the defectives that is you, the big honking nose, the oddball grin, the weird way I look in pictures and I can see why people do off themselves.  Too much dwelling on the negatives, cussing out everytime I have to backspace to write things, tripping over things, farting way too much, it goes on and on and on.  And then looking outside and seeing it rain once again.  And I wonder when does it end?  When does life end?  When its not fun? It certainly hasn't been fun the past decade and half.  I'm not a lot of fun and depression is a big part of it.

Didn't mean to go deep into this subject but since the fans are few and far between nobody reads this anyway.   All I can do is try to do my best, against all odds, and hope I don't go ballistic.  Martin and Geoff from The TEs; God bless them for putting up with my ever changing moods.  I don't forsee a Tyrus stage reunion, but what I'm saying is that I'm in favor of getting together to jam on a couple of songs and then take assessment of the situation.  And take things one day at a time.   That's all I can promise.