Artisan Sanctuary Setlist 11/29/18 It comes from the soul

Songs;

If You See Her
For Shame Of Doing Wrong/
Logic And Lies
Good Time Charlie
Samson And Delilah

(If I had my way, yeah I would tear this building down)

(Gregdon Cole trying to get a good shot of me, and failing in the process)

Notes:

I haven't ventured far from the songs that I have sang the past week or so.  Usually the Sanctuary is the place for Logic And Lies but I did some different chords into it after playing For Shame Of Doing Wrong.  I even had the audience clapping along to If You See Her.

I think it's easier to play songs such as Good Time Charlie's Got The Blues, since it doesn't venture far from the G, C, D and the occasional A chord on the tag line. But doing Samson And Delilah and pounding chords off the guitar continues to keep the crowd interested. The Guild guitar takes a beating that's for sure.  But it doesn't break strings on a regular basis as the Blue Brat Ibenez. Since Jim Jacobmeyer likes my music, he lets me do an extra song, sometimes two.

The regulars were there, Demteri Harris, Pat Lower, M.J, Glen Gardner, Dave Bonham, Lauren Shuster, Phil Thomas, Darryl Honkinson, Bill Schlatter, Gregdon Cole.  It was a better showcase than the last time, no boring stories, Pat playing shorter Dylan songs  A new guy was there and I forgot his name but he followed me and did a few interesting songs Ohio, Indiana Wants Me, Last Song came to mind.  Dave did his own version of Everybody's Talking.  M.J. did First Cut Is The Deepest and Patrick did All Along The Watchtower.  It's always interesting to see what people do to the songs that I play.

Lauren, Glen's wife has started to play her music and she has a Judy Collins type of voice and she does some pretty good folk singing.  Of course being with Glen, who's been instrumental of encouraging and helping along the way does help a lot.  She took a few pictures of the gig. I posted the best ones of me.  I don't take very good pictures playing live but I have to have something to document the showcases. I can count on Lauren or Glen to take some shots, even tho' I look like I rather be someplace else.  But that's not the case.  I just get into the music and if I get into the music I don't notice the crowd all that much or I'm closing my eyes.

Next to Stone City, The Sanctuary has been the other best place for me to play and sing in front of a appreciative crowd, even on off nights.  Checker's as well.  I've only known Glen for just about a year and he's been very supportive of my efforts.  Jim too.  I mean he gave me my first paying gig in quite some time in Marion.  The stage fright is there and I tend to close my eyes and look away but I have yet to scamper off stage and hiding in the recording room.

But then again, I haven't looked at playing guitar more at gigs either.  I still enjoy playing drums better. Questions remain almost two years onward. Can I exploit this to my advantage?  Or to add Julie into the mix?  I love doing a couple songs here and there with her on stage but still am not sure if we can tolerate one another for more than a set of our own music.  The Townedgers?  I haven't gotten to Geoff on this.  With Russ?  I don't think he's that interested, even after getting Matt's drums over to his place we have yet to practice.   I donno, I could make a working gig if I was more into it. But it is known that I don't exactly frequent bars to play.  I would be taken advantage of quite quickly since I have a passive and easy going attitude.  But it comes and goes.  Julie has gigs with Ryan and with Dave, a third with me would get in the way.  For now, I'm more happy just to do the acoustic jam and play three or four songs.  I could go for gigs later on.

Checkers Acoustic Showcase 11/28/18

Songs:

Outlaw Man
If You See Her
Good Time Charlie
Samson And Delilah
I Won't Back Down
Sugar Coated Lovin
Everybody's Talking

One of those long lunches I take and play for a couple of hours.  Thanks To Glen Gardner and Carl Meiners for letting me play before them in order to get back to work.

Somebody requested me to play some Eagles music and I decided to go with Outlaw Man, done for the first time ever and still playing around with it  but it did come out okay.

I Won't Back Down was the Tom Petty song dedicated to Ryan Matthew Paul.  He hates Tom Petty.

Julie Gordon and Dave Bonham were the hosts.

It was a solo appearance.   Julie recorded Good Time Charlie for shits and giggles.

Stone City Acoustic Showcase 11/25/18

Songs played

The Race Is On
Fox On The Run
If You See Her
Sundown
Good Time Charlie


Aaron Caryl-Fiddle

(Glen Gardner: Photo Credit.  Aaron and me)

Notes:   We were under a winter storm warning and Iowa City ended up getting 7 inches of the white stuff, but up here it bypassed us.  I could see the snowstorm on the way over to Stone City General Store but it never did ventured up north.  We had a dry atmosphere that kept it down there.  Amazing what 10 miles will do in this type of weather.

While last week was a study in everything gone wrong, this time out things were much different.  I had a new set of strings and while my memory was fuzzy on some of the songs, I had ample help from Aaron who played some cool fiddle leads to the songs.  I simply bypassed the bridge to If You See Her and simply let him fiddle it out.

Terry McCauley is one of the best folk singers around and he was there.  He did congratulated and complimented on the songs that I played.  He marveled how I banged the songs out on guitar.  Told him it came naturally since I'm a drummer.

Despite the uncertainly of the weather we did had a pretty good crowd at the General Store.  The warm response to the songs has been a shot in the arm and has helped getting my confidence back.  Plus the jammers there do help.

I passed on playing Rumors this afternoon, due to the weather and me wanting to stay close to home. But I am sure I was missed.  But I also knew they had a few drummers up there keeping the beat.  I shall return soon.

When I don't know yet.

 

Stone City Acoustic Showcase 11/18/18 L'arity Ensures

Songs:

Ring Of Fire
Realitiesville
Summertime Blues
Everybody's Talking
I Won't Back Down


I can't say if this was my worst performance but the kind people at The General Store were very gracious in their applause.  Cause, nothing worked very well.


First of all, the guitar was out of tune when I took the stage and couldn't get the GD thing tuned right. So anything that used a capo was out of the setlist.  And then I was turning up the wrong fucking string, I almost busted the G string when it should have been the Low E string.  And then I dropped the pick on Realitesville and proceeded to play so hard I end up getting a blister on my thumb.

Overall, the vocals went okay.

For the most part , this afternoon's jammers opted for slower songs that kinda put things out of the mood. Steve Black Wolf changed things with a Irish drinking song with everybody helping out on the clapping.  Then proceeded to redo a verse in Lyin Eyes, since he couldn't remember one line.  I do that sometimes myself.

I sat with Steve and his wife most of the day, when they left Katy and Maki Dervo came over and kept me company.  Katy didn't play but she sang out in the crowd.

Maki saved the best for last, but reciting the whole Alice Restaurant Massacre since it was Thanksgiving weekend.  I thought he would do a short version, he actually did the whole version, all 20 minutes of it.  I did hang around only to tell Maki he owes us a drink next time he plays.  We talked about bringing drums to the Waubeek jam in December.   I can hook up the Tama set for some double duty and let somebody else play them while I take a break.  Probably a good bet, I'll be bringing the Impulse Cymbals should that happen.


Tuesday, I stopped to Parlor City for the Blues Jam but didn't play drums.  Nice of T Bone, Jon Wilson and Dan Johnson asking if I wanted to play.  Wasn't many drummers up there and perhaps I should have.  Both Brook Hoover and even Tommy Bruner played drums, had I known that I would have stayed and watched that.


Thanksgiving:  Glen Gardner had a Thanksgiving dinner and acoustic jam, so I showed up.  Jim Jacobmeyer, M.J were there, M.J played some cool blues lead guitar.  Steve Black Wolf, Sofia Chesney, Demtris Young and Rocky Smith were there.  Dave Bonham was there too with a new date, Sharon, who usually sings backup at various acoustic jam sessions at Whittier, Waubeek and Ramsey's.  Molly Wade was there with her new boyfriend as well.  I really didn't feel like singing but they did coax me into singing two songs, Let's Work Together and Rock Me Baby.

Dave mentioned he and Julie did play from 11 to 1 at Chrome Horse Benefit for the Veterans but Ryan was a no show, he was supposed to come up and play.  When I got up there after 2, nobody was there, and my guess was that Julie went over to Ryan's to practice.  Ryan is supposed to play keyboards for the return of Skin Kandy  Friday Night at Rumor's.  Will he show up to play is anybody's guess but I'll make a trip in town to see if they do play.

The weekend is up in the air. A major winter storm is bearing down and everything will be buried in snow again.  Not what I want nor need but we haven't had a major snow winter in about four years.  I'm sure that will change.  I haven't done much walking around town.  And the way it's going, I don't forsee much walking in the future.  Stone City is the first destination, snow or no snow.
.

Tami Soukup's Birthday Bash 11/11/18

With

Dan Hartman-Vocals and guitar
Tommy Bruner-Guitar and vocals
Freddy Jones-Harmonica
Bart Carfizzi-Vocals on one song
Randy Burgdorff-Bass
R.Smith-Drums
Terry McDowell-Paiste Cymbals endorser and host.

Songs I remembered

Corn Liquor
Take Me To The River
Ramblin Man
Tulsa Time
Jumping Jack Flash
Oh Boy
Crossroads
Fast As You

(The Birthday Girl and Andi Clay on the left)

There were two other songs that Dan Hartman played but I think they were originals or obscure country songs.  Rick Clay replaced me on drums for Runaway so I didn't have to play it.

The place was packed with folks wishing Tami happy birthday but only me and D J Hovenstat played drums.  Pat Geasland and Mike Serbousek were in attendance but I don't think either one played.

A rare sighting that Glen Gardner played and played electric. DJ and Billy Bourbon helped out with Bird on bass.  He started with Can't Find My Way Home and Can't You See and Roadhouse Blues figured into this.  Also Steamroller.

First song I heard walking into Rumor's was Dreams I'll Never See Again.  Tho' I would have loved to play that song with Rick, it's always good to have somebody else play it.  A difference of sound actually. Terry McDowell always does a great job playing drums and is better at the drum rolls and double bass beats.

For some strange reason Shelly Foley was looking a pair of drumsticks to give to her daughter from participating drummers; I don't know if Terry did or not, but I ended up retiring my Buddy Rich pair, and autographing them and giving them to Shelly.   It seemed like a good idea.

Tommy has seemed to be more down the past couple jams.  I really feel for him.  I know who she is, but her name I can't remember.

Afterwards, I stopped over at Julie's place and hang out with her and her furbabies  for an hour, discussing ideals for the Acousta Crabbies project.  We have a love that's like anybody else's, the ups the downs and in between.  I'm difficult to deal with, too set in my ways and can't commit.  Julie can see anybody she wants but perhaps she doesn't want to.  This knight in shining armor has a lot of rust spots and has no tolerance of anything, somehow she overlooks that.  She's a spitfire that will shoot out fire and brimstone when she's in a bad mood but then an hour later comes back and checks up on you to see if anything is okay.  She's remains a good friend, but I have noticed that her hugs last a long time before we say goodbye and me returning back home.

My voice is still shredded from Saturday's screamfest and I donno if I did ruin my voice forevermore but I do feel better.  Perhaps a few days of resting of my vocal-chords will help, Kevin Burt is playing Checkers this Wednesday so no acoustic jam there.

Overall, today's jam was the best of the bunch this week.

Pictures from Tami

Tommy playing a real Les Paul,one of many from Rick Clay's Collection.

Mr. Dan Hartman on guitar, playing Billy Bourbon's guitar

Bird looks like he's sleeping on the job.

So is the drummer.

Whittier Acoustic Showcase 11/10/18

Songs played

If You See Her
Tulsa Time Revisited
For Shame Of Doing Wrong
Slipping Away
Love The One You're With
Good Time Charlie


And

With Julie Gordon and Ryan Paul at the Office Lounge In Monticello
Dreams Of Arcadia

Baby What You Want Me To Do
Stop Dragging My Heart Around
Gold Dust Woman

Lee and Nancy, the inspiration of the Acousta Crabbies, I did sound like Lee tonight.

I continue to have shit luck of going anywhere.  Before going to the jam, I drove down to Mount Vernon for supper,only have to deal with speeders, a wallet that continues to throw half my credit cards and driver's ID on the floor,and dealing with the romper room crowd of people and five or six brats not behaving, once they leave another family comes along.  Then the Iowa Hawkeyes fumbled the ball twice in the forth quarter to lose the ball game and then I had to wait about 10 minutes to get the check.  Usually the place is quick to get me in an out but not was the case tonight.  And then over to the store to pick up some milk only to deal with more stupids and then the car didn't want to start and then I hit the GD curb.  That's where I lost it.  I cursed everything, the day I was born, the creator of this paradise we call earth and all the crappy luck.  It was a black cloud of hatred coming down the road, back to home, back to pick up my guitar and Julie having issues with her PA system, thankfully she got that working again.

It's been a while since I let off such a scream fit that I was screaming in a higher octave.  That's when I realized I blew out my voice.  And just in time for the Whittier Showcase.

Mike Moran had the Goat Singers thing going on at Artisan Sanctuary, Julie and Ryan were at Monticello, Karl and Jeff were at Cooters and fighting the crappy Hawkeye game and then Karl losing it on Facebook. Phil Bo King had his birthday bash but once again it fell on the Whittier Jam so I had to take another rain check.

I went acoustic since I had no time to get into the electric and deal with 20 degree cold weather.  They started earlier than usual, I wasn't ready so I deferred to Stuart Pershing.  With hardly any voice I started it off with If You See Her which went better than it did Thursday Night.  Allen McGrew did a short version of Tulsa Time so I decided to reprise that song after he left.  Stuart gave me some song ideas to do in the future, Fire On The Mountain and Feeling Alright.  I can see why people play Wonderful Tonight, it sucks playing drums but the chords are easy.  I also jotted down Pink Houses for future shows, but I don't really think I need to play it.  Unless Julie is around.

The other highlight  was playing For Shame Of Doing Wrong in a new arrangement. Slipping Away suffered from not playing it for a while and I don't think I can hit the notes on Love The One You're With, I may just retire that song.

Things ended at 9:30 so I had time to change cars and return to Monticello and helped Julie and Ryan finish out the night on Congas and did three songs with Julie.  We fought with the arrangement of Baby What You Want Me To Do, she wanted to do Etta James and I wanted Jimmy Reed's version but we did find a happy medium. Stop Draggin My Heart Around was rough but Julie believes that tonight's version of Gold Dust Woman was the best so far.  Which is saying something.  I had no voice whatsoever on this segment but managed to harmonize a bit on Gold Dust Woman and went for a croaking bass vocal on What You Want Me To Do.

In order for me to help my raw, ripped apart throat, I decided on Rum n Coke, a very rare chance of me drinking but it did help a little bit.  Tonight I thought about maybe covering Ryan's song Higher for the next Townedger album. He and Julie do have some good originals that might make a good album.  I'm still fighting the indifference and blah attitude of playing guitar but at least I'm taking notes on doing new songs and pitching them to Julie if and when the Acoustic Crabbies get going.  She's better off continuing her gigs with Guitar Dave or Ryan. I still think I'm better off just doing a few songs with her than a whole gig.  We're still getting along just fine.  And I can live with that.

Artisan Sanctuary Open Mic 11/8/18

Songs:

If You See Her
Never Been To Spain
Knocking On Heaven's Door
Logic And Lies

Thanks to Phil and Darryl, Jim, Patrick, Gregdon and Demetrius  for hanging around.

Notes:

We had a big bunch of jammers but most got bored by a guy reading for about 40 minutes and sucking the life out of this jam.  Patrick tried to karaoke El Paso and Hurricane, Aaron Carl helped on fiddle but Pat gave up half way through El Paso.  It was that type of night.


The jam went over time and Stu Pershing had to leave without playing, 3 AM comes too early for him so he cut out, and most jammers had to cut their songs down to 3.  In my case I picked four short ones.   I really didn't feel like playing but Jim and Gregdon encouraged me to do so.

If You See Her was done for the first time in a tossed off way.  I even through a F bomb in one verse, nobody was there and I could get away with it.  I did give Jim a big contribution to keeping his place open and he was gracious enough for me to add the extra song.  I was the last performer.

Dave Bonham did play Love The One You're With and then home to argue politics with Shawn Ster, who wasn't there tonight.  I thought about reprising Love The One You're With but I was in a indifferent mood. I'm surprised the songs did come out half way listenable, although I did mess up the chords to Never Been To Spain.


And on the way home, it begin to snow.  Looks like a long winter.

FMR.

Needless to say I was a bit bummed that most of the jammers went home when I finally did my songs at around 10 PM, (We had a spoken word guy that did three lenghty stories that took the life out of the open mic Thursday Night.  I could have ordered up a pizza at Urban Pie for supper and come back and not miss a thing.  I had thought about following Stu Pershing's lead and called it an early evening.  I wasn't feeling very well and the cold weather didn't help.

I debuted If You See Her, a song from the 1992 Drive In Blues album, the original version was sped up way too fast when Maier Records issued it on CD but I wanted to  try something new and exciting.  The F bomb is not in the original song, I was just disgusted of seeing a capacity crowd dwindle down to six people and just wanting to stop at the store for a few things and having my usual night cap of Cold meds and Nyquil and go to bed.   Due to length of the storyteller, the remaining artists had a three song limit.  But I did four short songs, as compensation for hanging in there.  The songs  were sloppy but those who stayed had a good time.

3 years into the music scene and it’s becoming crystal clear that I’m not about to play in front of crowds of more than 10 people and singing my songs.  I would have better luck playing drums for the same amount of people and let somebody else  sing the damn songs.   I kinda lost my luster of playing since I had to get back to my real job and pay the bills and I do admit that the past week of playing, I have a tossed off indifference to what I’ve been playing and singing.  The best showcase was Stone City last Sunday, but even then I wondered what the hell I was doing there.    I’m slowly going back into my shell,  I haven’t socialized much and when I do go out, I popped in to see a band for a couple songs and then move on.  I did that last Friday when FLEX was playing, I sneaked into the back of the bar on a open table and listened for a half hour and then went home.    Over the week, Julie was working on a new song and did 9 different versions and I offered my take on them.   The hope is that she’ll get into a studio and do a proper version.  Otherwise, I may cherry pick her best version and add percussion and see where it leads.    I have friends that offered studio time, Rod Albaugh in Clarence, Jim Jacobmeyer and the Sanctuary Recording Studio, even Brook and Stu offered to record (for a fee of course).  I tend to favor my old crude way of recording (four track Cassette, Terry Bainbridge helping whenever he can).  I just haven’t been interested of recording new music.  It serves no purpose but to be a reference to remember the melodies.

Yes, Depression is a bitch, and yes it has been an hindrance the past month.  I’m slowly turning away from everybody, the musicians, friends and moving back into a solitude that I’ll never break away from.   I also know that if I make the stage, it means that the demons haven’t won yet.   Even with a blah attitude, the ones who stayed Thursday Night persuaded me to at least finish the Open Mic night on a strong note.  To which I thank them for being there, even though the opening acts were probably home in bed when I finished my set.

Next up: Whittier Acoustic Showcase, David Lam hosting and I’m sure I’ll be playing to audience of five once again.  So I’ll do that, and if time allows, will try to catch Julie and Ryan play Monticello.  The Whittier jam starts at 7 and ends around 10.  It’s a half hour to Monticello and The Office Lounge and they play till 11.  That will leave me about a half hour to support their cause.

After that, the guitar is put away for another week.  Or maybe longer.  Or maybe never.

Stone City Acoustic Showcase 11/4/18

Songs played

Good Time Charlie Got The Blues
I Won't Back Down
I Don't Know Why You Keep Me On
Never Been To Spain
Summertime Blues
Teri My Love

Aaron Caryl: Lead Guitar on Teri My Love
Glen Gardner: Guitar on Good Time Charlie
Lane Gaffney: Backing Vocal on I Won't Back Down.

Notes:

Maki Dervo led off the acoustic jam for that rare time.  Me and Glenn were discussing a song that Maki and I did last night and I remembered the title.  Now I have forgotten it again.

Dave Bonham did Love The One You're With so I ended up playing I Won't Back Down.

I'm slowly trying to get back into playing guitar and singing despite the constant depression that binds over me.  It's not easy but I do have the support of Glen Gardner, Carl Meiners and Dave Bonham who was there tonight and with help from Aaron and Lane Gaffney.  I have to choose to either play Stone City or Rumors, and while the Rumors jam had plenty of musicians (I hope) I wanted to stay around close to home.  Gaining an hour back was welcomed but not the 5 oclock sunset and darkness.  Not that we had sunshine, it rained all day.  But  Daylight Savings Time is over. We are now in the darkness.

Depression isn't fun and the slowly coming of my life winding down doesn't help either.  Bruce Stanley passed when he was 57.  I've outlived him and still miss him two years after the fact.

Joe Greene and I have been high school friends but he never seems to chat with me when he's up at the General Store and of course he left during my set.    Maybe I don't have friends.  I never get much support from them when I do play live.  It's pointless to complain about it.  Hardly anybody pays much attention to the starving artist anymore.  I do what I can.


The waitress, was spot on, always checking to see if we need a refill and in the process got Bill Schlatter a bit tipsy, giving him three drinks before his set of songs.  He came back and asked me what I thought of his version of Folsom Prison Blues.  I looked at him and say, you actually played it?

And I still can't remember that song Maki Dervo did last night to close our Waubeek set. And it's driving me crazy.

Waubeek First Of The Month Jam-One Year Later

With

Maki Dervo-Guitar and Vocals
Phil Koening-Bass
Lunch Time Chuck-Bass
Nelson-Slide guitar
David Lam-Guitar and vocals
Aaron Caryl-Fiddle
Lenny Drake-Guitar and vocals
Captain Kirk-Guitar and vocals
R.Smith-Drums

And

Katy
Dale Lam
Diane Koening
Danny Diaz
Freddy Jones
Dana "Rocky" Smith
Ron Lafleur
Dakota McWhoerter

Songs:

St James Infirmary
Wearing A Dead Man's Shirt
Up On Cripple Creek
Highway Patrol Man
Kiss An Angel Good Morning
Venus
Laugh Laugh

Couple others that escape my mind

I'm not a fan of the rain.  For the final weekend of daylight savings time, all it has done is rain and it rained all night.  We get the fucking rivers back in their banks and Mother Nature opens up with another five inches of rain and we are under water again.  Thank goodness we got the basement waterproofed.  It would be a mess once again.  It's been that way since September.

It's been one year since my first introduction to the Waubeek jam and it remains a strange and wonderful well kept secret.  Hardly anybody from Cedar Rapids goes there.  Guess it's pointless for them to drive about an half hour to meet with the country freaks out here.

Again, I opted for playing drums.  Rocky Smith did the majority of drum playing, backing up Ron LaFleur and Dakota and Callie aka The Hippie Boy Scouts. Comparing Rocky's playing to mine when I backed them up, I think my playing was more raw and faster playing.  Since he bought his own cymbals I figured he should be the main player. The lateness of the hour came when Lenny came up to play his set and it was already 1 AM, Nelson was playing drums, I was going home.  I was tired.

I try not to get too caught up in the booze and zaniness of the other folks there.  If you get too friendly with anybody they then suspect that you're trying to pick them up.  Don't get naughty?  Not trying to be that way, she's not my type and she's taken, but  don't take it the wrong way.  I prefer solitude, and besides I'm not into smokers.  Have a nice day.

Going well into my third year of playing again, it seems I'm losing interest in the whole thing.  For the third straight month I've been told I'm playing too fast on certain songs which is beginning to bug the hell out of me.  Am I not getting into a slower and grooving beat or am I rushing things?  It's only a jam right, this is not an audition for being in a band.  Am I drinking too much root beer and having the caffeine making things faster on my playing even at age 57?   I managed to find the Bo Diddley beat on Dead Man's Shirt but even I thought I was playing slower on the first song, I was still playing too fast.  Maybe the end is near, it seems that way.

I wouldn't say if being the Grim Reaper might have played a role in the depression and downturn of events this fall making me disinterested or playing lackluster, but upon looking back upon my life and seeing where I went wrong in terms of dating and love  I hadn't been much fun with.  The shitty weather hasn't helped at all this fall and being wear down at my place of employment during the busy fall season has made me question this life.  Every little thing has really gotten me so pissed off and angry that I would rather just hide from the world.  The world has gotten worse.  We have a fucking idiot masquerading as President, we have the Republicans trying to turn this place into the new Russia, I hit every fucking red light in town and twice more the long red lights, which means an instant traffic jam and yet another douchenozzle riding your ass down the road.   And idiots, lots of them.  Going home past the bar and having some drunk chick waddle out in front of your car with a drink in hand...cow wandering out of its pasture, the other chick waiting to cross, and I look at her and say You sure, I don't want you to commit suicide on my behalf if you wonder out.  Then waiting for 10 minutes at McDonalds as the dumb fuck help bypasses you and don't wait.  And they want 15 dollars an hour?  Fuck you, I will make the damn sandwiches myself, or better yet go to Moe's Grill.  At least I got in and out, The Blairs Ferry McDonalds I'd still be waiting.

And then you can't go out and have fun and not having some drunk chick thinking you're trying to pick them up.  (and they wonder why I never show up when they invite me to their private jams) . Welcome to my world, 2018, where nothing goes right, I play too fast and it all sounds wrong.   This is why people want out of this world.  We keep hearing trust the Lord and he won't fail you, well he certainly don't hear you when you hope and pray that you get to work without hitting every red light and dumb fuck idiots out there, or have to watch for varmints crossing the highway in the dead of night, raccoon and possums love to commit suicide on your watch it seems.

And it continues to rain.  If I'm not self analyzing on my set list of songs I played, I'm going back to the past and looking at my past girlfriends and wondering what the hell happened. 25 years ago, I got back with Penny, my best friend's sister for the second time to try to make things work. 40 years ago, I was supposed to take her out to Homecoming but had to work at my dishwashing suck job but she waited for me and we did go watch a movie.  I wasn't a very good boyfriend back then, nobody from high school usually is.  Since the other girl at hand we didn't date at all (we had chances but they fell by the wayside at a spring time dance)  Penny was my high school sweetheart.  Which isn't saying much, she did marry her high school sweetheart.  But we tried, but she knew me better.  It wasn't going to work.  All my life, I never could give up my ways to share with anybody, I grew up with records and being alone most of this life.  My longest relationship was 3 and a half years.  2nd half that long.  I was used to coming back home to the place that I felt at home and didn't have that when I was with anybody.   When you're with somebody, chances are you're going to argue and you're going to bitch that the other wasn't helping.  For many years I wondered why I couldn't find that special somebody.This year I knew the reason and it goes all the way back 40 plus years, of picking the wrong girl to spend your life with, even when she lived six states away, it wasn't going to work. Had I not known this girl, perhaps Janice or Penny would be the long suffering wife or better half.  I have good women in this life, even today.  I can still see the girl in my Public Relations class smiling at me wanting to know me at Kitty's for an hour, then leaving the place crying when I sat there and did nothing.  And hoping I could find her and explain my actions.  Perhaps it was best I never seen her again.  I would disappoint her again, like the rest.

The basis of my blog is to document the good and the bad and sometimes I take a deep look into the past to see how things were and had they made me who I am today.  I cannot remember any of my guy friends before we moved to Marion, but I know most of the girls that used to chase me around the school yard tho'. And then try to remember the good things that I did at FB company on my year of participating the Waubeek jam, only to remember the bad and otherwise.  I have given up on love, given up on trying to find the one to spend what's left of time I have on this fucked up planet.  And it's getting to the point that I'm about ready to give up playing once again and returning back to the darkness, and just work on the next Townedgers album. The stage fright of playing guitar live has returned and I must overcome that to play again and chances are I will, if not at Stone City, then certainly at the Artisan Sanctuary Open Mic or Whittier.  In front of friendlier faces and not having to worry if I did something to think if some woman thinks I'm trying to put the move on her.  I'm not that way and I can live without them as it has been shown over the years.  That's not about to change.

And it continues to rain.

Phil Bo's wife got into a fight with some female after I left and he was playing.  I heard it was a duet and she took exception to it.   She was acting weird most of the night.